Relationship Failure: Cause and Effect

In hind sight, I guess I was naive. Well, maybe naive is the wrong word; I think I was actually more mistakenly-over-confident, if there is a word for that. It's not that I didn't think my spouse would ever cheat on me, as in it didn't cross my mind, but I actually thought I was so awesome that he would never even have the desire for someone else! Talk about taking me down a few notches!

 The good news is that all of the self confidence/self esteem/self worth of which I was robbed, has all returned!  And in BUCKET LOADS.  Now more than ever, I am convinced that I deserve someone wonderful and an amazing, honest, loving relationship.  I know without a doubt that I will have that one day, and I continue to hope that it will be sooner rather than later. 

I guess my mother was right on the mark with her gentle reminders that "adversity builds character" and "that which does not kill us makes us stronger" (fyi, people, it turns out your mother IS always right! At least mine is.).  From the ashes of all the bad, this is the good that has risen - a psychologically stronger self.

 The bad news is that by cheating on me, he doomed our relationship.  It's been years now, and if you have read my other hubs, you know that I am staying in this marriage only because I want to be at home full time with my two small children.

Now that I am thinking about the ending of the relationship as being the bad news, I am realizing that it is bad news only for him!  I write as I think, so I have always found writing to be a great source of personal realizations, such as this.  The end of this relationship is actually great news for me because it enables me to go on and find great love elsewhere.  Now by the "end of the relationship" I mean just that I stopped loving him and there is absolutely no hope that those feelings will return.  Divorce will come for me soon enough, when the children go off to begin their school careers.  I continue to look forward to this with great enthusiasm and anticipation because it will be a welcomed new beginning for me!  

 I would like to hold him responsible for the cause AND effect, but I realize that I am the only person responsible for how things affect me.  I wrote above that my self confidence had been robbed, but I really don't think he took that away from me.  I took it away from myself.  Additionally, I realize that I am accountable for the anger I bear.  I'm not yet ready to let that go because it has been a source of fuel for me.  For example, I was able to lose 100 pounds last year, partly because of no carbs, but mostly because I was fueled by animosity.  I'm sure therapists would say that is unhealthy, but hey, whatever works.